In no way do I enjoy being sick; yet maladies do help to remind me of our vulnerability and lack of control. Rarely when we are well and healthy do we acknowledge this as a blessing, but once some sickness strikes, we wistfully pine to feel better again. Which is why, in some strange way, I actually appreciate illness from time to time, just so that, once I have recovered, I appreciate feeling well so much more. A dichotomy that gives both opposites meaning.
Another dichotomy crossing through my mind this morning was how, at least at my current stage in life, I do not fear dying as much as I fear not living. As I reflected on my day yesterday and how I had spent so much time a) compulsively checking my email or b) letting my mind go into a vapid stupor or c) sitting in front of an electronic screen, it frustrated me to an inordinate degree. That cannot be life lived to the fullest. It is far too easy to get distracted by so many trivial, insubstantial things--and easier still to misconstrue what is in fact important (nor do I profess to understand what this truly is). All I know is that I want to be outdoors, to interact with the world, to walk around barefoot and sense my feet in communion with the earth, to feel my breath as it exchanges with the outside air...
It is going to be a busy week. Two client visits (to our office, for once) on Thursday and Friday, and there is much work to do beforehand. Dreaming of the weekend already...